BigChicken
07-11-2005, 05:38 PM
North &* South
The North has coffee houses.............The South* has Waffle Houses
The North has dating services,..........The* South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives.....The* South has Lee Press-on Nails
The North has double last names......The* South has double first names.
The North has Ted Kennedy.............The* South has Jesse Helms.
The North has Indy car races............The* South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of* Wheat.........The South has grits.
The North has green salads...............The South has collard greens
The* North has* lobsters....................The South has crawdads.
The North has the rust* belt................The South has the Bible Belt...
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING* SOUTH............
In the* South: --If you* run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with*a tow chain will be
along shortly. *Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way.*This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait* in the same store....do not buy food at this*store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is* plural, and "all*y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to "You ain't from round here, are*ya?"
Save all manner of* bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't* be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you*either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a*transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective*"big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy.. Most Northerners begin their*Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper .
Be advised that "He needed* killin." is a valid defense here.
If you hear a*Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this." you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll* ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance*of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence*is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter*whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that*10-year-olds own their own shotguns. They are proficient marksmen, and*their mammas taught
them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a*driveway.
AND* REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners.* After all, if the cat had kittens*in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
Have a good day! Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a*country music song 'fore you know it. Your relatives would get*a kick out of it too
The North has coffee houses.............The South* has Waffle Houses
The North has dating services,..........The* South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives.....The* South has Lee Press-on Nails
The North has double last names......The* South has double first names.
The North has Ted Kennedy.............The* South has Jesse Helms.
The North has Indy car races............The* South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of* Wheat.........The South has grits.
The North has green salads...............The South has collard greens
The* North has* lobsters....................The South has crawdads.
The North has the rust* belt................The South has the Bible Belt...
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING* SOUTH............
In the* South: --If you* run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with*a tow chain will be
along shortly. *Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way.*This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait* in the same store....do not buy food at this*store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is* plural, and "all*y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to "You ain't from round here, are*ya?"
Save all manner of* bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't* be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you*either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a*transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective*"big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy.. Most Northerners begin their*Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper .
Be advised that "He needed* killin." is a valid defense here.
If you hear a*Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this." you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll* ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance*of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence*is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter*whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that*10-year-olds own their own shotguns. They are proficient marksmen, and*their mammas taught
them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a*driveway.
AND* REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners.* After all, if the cat had kittens*in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
Have a good day! Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a*country music song 'fore you know it. Your relatives would get*a kick out of it too