You know you're a cop if............

[Big_Dave]

You know you're a cop if . ..........

1. You have the bladder capacity of five people.
2. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
3. You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.
4. Your idea of a good time is a gun run or a car chase.
5. You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly
towards you.
6. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control
pills.
7. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
8. You have your weekends off planned for a year.
9. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
10. You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which
it's located.
11. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting
it right the first time."
12. You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing
uncontrollably.
13. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
14. You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow
less than a .20.
15. You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
16. Anyone has ever said to you, "There are people killing other people
out there and you are here messing with me."
17. People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange
places...and you know where it's located.
18. You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while
standing over a dead body.
19. You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by
profession.
20. You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize
their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."
21. You do not see daylight from November until May.
22. People shout, "I! didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think
they're being hugely funny and original.
23. A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks,
and 5 pairs of underwear.
24. You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my
Friday".
25. You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction.
26. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says,
"Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."
27. Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.
28. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
29. You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten.
30. You feel good when you hear "these handcuffs are too tight".

:rofl:

[waynesigmeister]

I enjoyed this little display of police humor. I to have stood next to a dead body, eating a slice of pizza while waiting for the coroner to arrive. This happened one time because I was called away from my dinner and sent to a fatal traffic accident. After verifying the young lady was dead and the rescue services had left, I began to eat my evening meal while waiting for the coroner. Once while working on a homicide, I had to sit in the same house with the dead victim until the investigation was over and you could imagine the sounds I heard that night. I have always wrote off handguns on my income tax as a business deduction, in addition to writing off unforms and work boots.

Cops have a very shallow sense of humor. They can sit in a bar after work, eating and talk about the most gruesome murders or accidents and using the speghetti as a prop in their discussion. It is a way of getting rid of the tension built up in the night.

[McGee]

:wow: .... :rofl: ...True... :wacko:

[USAF_2T2]

The ones that piss me off are the ones where parents say, "if you don't straighten up, that Policeman is gonna arrest you." I have been quoted saying to said child. "I will not arrest you until you break the law. Maybe Mommy and Daddy will teach you better."

[1042 Trooper]

You know you're a cop if . ..........

1. You have the bladder capacity of five people.
2. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
3. You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.
4. Your idea of a good time is a gun run or a car chase.
5. You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly
towards you.
6. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control
pills.
7. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
8. You have your weekends off planned for a year.
9. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
10. You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which
it's located.
11. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting
it right the first time."
12. You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing
uncontrollably.
13. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
14. You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow
less than a .20.
15. You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
16. Anyone has ever said to you, "There are people killing other people
out there and you are here messing with me."
17. People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange
places...and you know where it's located.
18. You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while
standing over a dead body.
19. You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by
profession.
20. You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize
their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."
21. You do not see daylight from November until May.
22. People shout, "I! didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think
they're being hugely funny and original.
23. A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks,
and 5 pairs of underwear.
24. You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my
Friday".
25. You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction.
26. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says,
"Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."
27. Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.
28. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
29. You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten.
30. You feel good when you hear "these handcuffs are too tight".

:rofl:
These little things they never taught you in the academy

It takes a veteran (defined as..well..look at SRTs thread) to know...

To have a back up uniform in your car on the way to court.
To use Lincoln Wax Polish. Nothing else works as well.
To use a pencil when it's -20 degrees working that wreck. Your pen will freeze.
To ALWAYS have something to write on - in two pockets.
To keep nothing in your shirt pockets - keep 'em flat and smooth.
To carry some wet wipes, shoe laces, a dozen pens and Excederin in your duffle.
To NEVER try to drink coffee on the way to an inspection.
To NEVER try to eat ribs in uniform.
To preload your cuffs.
To conceal you BU where either hand can get to it.
To carry a straight blade - not a folding knife - for protection.
To admit nothing, deny everything and demand proof.
To glance upward for a micro-moment; every stop, every confrontation, every call where you anticipate violence.
And, to ask for strength, rage, anger, ferocity and accuracy.
To hug your kids everyday, like it has to last a liftime.

To always have a spare set of keys to your patrol car in your pocket.
To put your regular car keys in the gun locker with your gun, so you won't leave the jail unarmed.
That a pack of cigarettes, no matter how old, can be of great use when trying to get a reluctant witness or suspect to talk to you. Smokers will do anything for a cigarette.
To wash your hands both before and after you go to the bathroom.
That a spare set of empty magazines, for use at the pistol range only, is an excellent investment.
That polyester uniforms and road flares do not play nice together.
That you can never go wrong by topping off your fuel tank before you start a patrol shift.
What every convenience store clerk and gas station attendant on your watch looks like, and what they wear at work.
That a ninety-eight cent Wal-Mart flashlight is better than nothing when your fancy rechargeable one goes dead.
That when your supervisor says "You can trust me," it's a sure thing that you can't.
Never to say anything like "Gee, it's quiet tonight."
To buy or carry with you a package of cheap cigars (the cheaper, the better) on the way to a dead body call. This applies even if you do not smoke.
How to drive an entire pursuit and never spill his coffee.
That if the dog in the front yard doesn't like cops, the people who live there probably won't either.
To always run cab drivers for warrants.
That anyone who starts a sentence with "To tell you the truth..." isn't.
That underage drinkers will have memorized all of the information on their phony ID, but almost never know how to reproduce the signature there.

[McGee]

:yes: